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Yeah I'm so fucking over everything right about now. No one takes me seriously anymore. I guess if you haven't tried to kill yourself at least once and your problems didn't begin when you were 8 you can't possibly have anything wrong with you. My psych says I'm not bad enough to medication and I have to take an epilepsy test to see if my catatonic episodes are just seizures. So thanks, I guess I'm just overreacting about everything. Fuck actually I am overreacting, all this shit really went to hell when I dumped a boy after he told me that he was gay. If that's nots overreacting I don't fucking know what is. No one cares and NO ONE knows what to do with me anymore I tell people how I feel and they don't even try to help they just say they're sorry but sorry doesn't fix SHIT they're just lazy and they just want me to shut up about it FUCK THEM I am HOPELESS and nothing gets better it's very obvious now getting help only makes things worse why couldn't they just have let me die I was ready I had a plan but NO I had to stay and now look where I am invalidated and friendless as ever.
There is something wrong with me and no one knows and no one cares I just want answers I couldn't even function yesterday there were so many people and I couldn't speak and I was moving weird and everything felt unreal and I don't know I was behaving so strange I can't describe it I can never talk about things when they've passed it's always present and then I cried that night I felt so empty at first then I got sad then I was so happy and hyper again I don't know what's going on I don't know how to make them understand it's because I'm functioning and my grades aren't slipping that's why they don't care.
I'm just sitting here watching everyone succeed and enjoy school and enjoy life and make friends as they leave me I'm watching everyone replace me and move on with their wonderful lives and I'm just sitting here waiting to die and waiting for it all to end because I'm so stuck in all of this and I'm all alone. No one understands. No one wants to.
There is something wrong with me and no one knows and no one cares I just want answers I couldn't even function yesterday there were so many people and I couldn't speak and I was moving weird and everything felt unreal and I don't know I was behaving so strange I can't describe it I can never talk about things when they've passed it's always present and then I cried that night I felt so empty at first then I got sad then I was so happy and hyper again I don't know what's going on I don't know how to make them understand it's because I'm functioning and my grades aren't slipping that's why they don't care.
I'm just sitting here watching everyone succeed and enjoy school and enjoy life and make friends as they leave me I'm watching everyone replace me and move on with their wonderful lives and I'm just sitting here waiting to die and waiting for it all to end because I'm so stuck in all of this and I'm all alone. No one understands. No one wants to.
Devious Journal Entry
JUST A NOTE: I DO NOT PROMOTE SELF-DIAGNOSIS AND I DON'T THINK ANYONE SHOULD TAKE THIS A SOME SORT OF "SIGN" THAT THEY HAVE THE SAID PERSONALITY DISORDER. THAT IS FOR A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL TO DETERMINE. THIS WAS CREATED SOLELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT
ANOREXIA
[x] you have dry skin. (I guess? Idk)
[ ] you eat 1 meal.
[ ]you're very weak.
[ ] you hate your body.
[ ] you starve yourself.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[ ] you need to be more skinny. (I mean, I wouldn't exactly be opposed, but then I would need to buy new pants and that's a pain)
[ ] people always say you're skinny, but you think you're fat.
[x] pe
Projecting Value Judgements on Myself From a Quiz
[ ] You cry often
[x] You have cut yourself
[X] You have taken a liking to the color black
[ ] You think things you think nobody else would ever think
[x] You have thought about killing yourself
[ ] You punch, scratch yourself
[ ] You're poor
[ ] You hide your face with your hair
[x] You think nobody understands you
[x] You feel alone
TOTAL: 5
[ ] Taken a liking to other peoples pain
[X] You enjoy pain
[x] You have thought about cutting yourself
[ ] You want something to die a lot
[x] You have thought that you were bipolar (I am bipolar so that's that)
[x] You have no friends (Excluding my boyfriend)
[ ] People ha
Sloths are Cute and So Am I
Pride
[ ] You carry a mirror everywhere.
[x] You carry beauty supplies everywhere. (I keep my lipsticks in my purse, it's just easier that way)
[ ] You put others down.
[ ] You flaunt or brag about yourself.
[ ] The only topic that interests you is you.
[ ] You don't listen to other's problems.
[ ] You wear booty shorts.
[x] You wear makeup.
[ ] You enjoy attention.
[ ] You like to do things YOUR way and YOUR way only.
TOTAL: 2
Envy
[ ] You feel negative about your body image.
[x] You don't have a lot of money.
[x] You don't have good grades. (College has been rough ok? My GPA has finally hit the 3s though)
[ ] You're ins
Rat Dog
Cat:
[x] - You take pleasure in fooling/tricking people
[x] - You're easily scared (I think easily startled would be more apt, but I'll still tic the box)
[ ] - You hate getting dirty
[ ] - You can be really flirty when you want to
[x] - You keep your hair long (Well, longer than I've ever had before)
[ ] - You don't like getting wet unless you're bathing
[x] - You like to just lounge about
[x]- You get annoyed easily
[x]- You like seafood
[ ]- You can spend hours trying to make yourself look good
Total for 'cat': 6
Dog:
[x] - You're almost always smiling
[x] - You're nice to most people and like to get to know people before you
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Comments21
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I don't mind if you hate me or not. I'll still be around if you need me. I feel the same way sort of... I feel like it's going to take a lot to just get anywhere in life and I don't know if I have all that motivation... It's hard to continue on when you don't feel like it, but if you try your hardest things will get better. I get free counseling at my campus. If you feel like you need to go, go ahead... I'm just trying it out to see how it works. Because I had a lot of relationship issues in the past, friendships, boyfriends, whatevers, it's been tough trying to just make friends.