So, things stopped being a whirlwind about a week or so ago. My mind is either insanely loud and chaotic, like you can't make any sense out of it, and you can tell when I speak because I go from topic to topic to topic in a matter of a few sentences. It even gets obsessive, I mean it's a little obsessive right now but not as bad as it was earlier in the week. But now it's blank. I think my insides got removed in my sleep. Someone stuffed me full of cotton balls, I'm empty and fuzzy. Everything's fuzzy. I'm disconnected from everything, this life is like a holographic projection. I'm waiting for it to all blink away, and I'll end up in a pure white room and they'll take me out and tell me it was all some strange experiment and I'll go home, wherever home is. I think I'm the only thing real living in a fake world. Or maybe it's the other way around. I can't be human, maybe they put me in the wrong body by mistake. Maybe I'm an alien and I got sent here to do something magnificent. I don't know. Nothing is real, you are are lies I am the only thing real I am a truth and you are all living breathing lies. I need to wake up.
I had another freak out, the ones where I stop moving and speaking. Nothing triggered it really I just lied down and stared at the ceiling and it was warping and I could see things moving around me in my room and touching my hair and feet and my mom woke up and found me and she thought I was on drugs because I wasn't responding so she almost called 911. Luckily she didn't. Maybe she should have. I hate it when they know things like that about me. They want to talk about it, like it's a big deal. It's not. I don't care.
I'm going to be stuck with them for 10 days now in the middle of nowhere on the other side of the country. I hate family trips, this will suck.
On the bright side, my parents get to meet with a psychiatrist when we get back so I'll probably get evaluated soon. My therapist says she thinks I have a mood disorder. I've narrowed my hunches down to schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type) or Bipolar NOS with psychotic features. Wish me luck I guess....